Week One: The Leftovers – Paris Edition

Herein you’ll find a nice little potpourri of some other buildings and attractions and the like that I saw during the first week of spring break. And there is more where this came from.

I’m not going to make that joke that starts with me saying, “I went to Notre Dame over spring break,” and then continues with your confused response, “You came to America over your two week vacation?” and then me quipping, “No. The Cathedral in Paris. Not the University in Indiana. Don’t be ridiculous,” and then we chuckle awkwardly at such a stupid and unfunny joke. I’m not going to make that joke.

I did go to Notre Dame, though. In case you need a reminder…

Construction: 12th and 13th Centuries, Gothic Architecture, Flying Buttresses

This time, I went inside.

So there is a little bit of awe happening in this picture because they did all of this without cranes and electricity and technology and stuff.

The flying buttresses (exterior arch supports with an unfortunate name) permitted building higher ceilings and constructing thinner walls – that last part means that they could put in windows. Of the stained glass variety.

I seem to remember learning a lot about the rose windows in Notre Dame throughout my years studying the basics of French history. Here’s what it all amounts to: big, pretty, colorful, and old.

All around the exterior, there are little chapels. Here’s one now.

Today they are more or less storage space for priceless icons, but back in the day certain wealthy families would ‘donate’ to the church in exchange for Masses in these chapels, and the hope was, a spot in heaven. Isn’t that nice.

And despite the grandiose and immense Cathedral, the altar is… neither of those.

You say minimalist. I say let down. I want to see some gold embossed altars and lecterns, deep red carpet on the floor, enough candles to heat the entire Cathedral, and more flowers than Martha Stewart’s greenhouse. I want to see some Catholic luxury, here. Instead there is a plain, marble-looking table, few candles, even fewer plants, and a tiled floor that looks like the standard pick for a kitchen on The Sims (circa 2000).

Alas, Notre Dame is pretty and impressive, inside and out. Even the Mass was nice. Like the Sacre Coeur, they allow tourists to parade around the exterior during the celebration. It seemed a little less distracting in Notre Dame thanks to the giant columns along the outside that keep that nonsense more or less out of sight.

Fun Fact: The bells of Notre Dame (think Quasimodo) all have names. The lowest one (Emmanual) rings in the tune of an F-sharp and weighs something like 13 tons. I don’t have a picture of the bells, but I figured you would want to know that. Wow someone at a party with that one.

Moving on, The Louvre.

At the risk of sounding ignorant, I’m just going to tell the honest truth. The Louvre is boring. Sure, it is the most visited and one of the largest museums in the world and a national monument. Sure there are the paintings, sculptures, and artifacts that are supposedly valued more than life itself. Sure it has some pretty cool glass pyramids on the outside. But it is still mind numbingly boring.

Here’s why: it has nearly 35,000 objects dating from pre-history until the 19th Century. That sounds really impressive until you realize that only about five of them are actually worth seeing and the rest just take up wall space. For example, there is an entire wing dedicated to Italian Renaissance art. In this wing, there are about five-hundred variants of the same three paintings: Jesus on the cross, Mary praying while Jesus is on the cross (in the background), or some dead guy’s (not Jesus) funeral.

But some of the rooms in the building are really impressive. For example:

This is the ceiling of one of the rooms. And a big hallway with all of that Italian art I was talking about.

It goes on forever. And then there are the five (or so) things worth seeing in the Louvre.

La Joconde (The Mona Lisa) by Leonardo da Vinci.

This painting is ridiculously unremarkable for being so famous. It is surprisingly small, behind a glass wall. and just not that good. There were more people trying to get a picture of Mona than illegal aliens fleeing Arizona (too soon?).

Directly opposite the Mona Lisa, almost humorously so, hangs “The Wedding at Cana” by Veronese (there is no particular reason you should know this painting).

This is an actually HUGE painting that has a more interesting subject and some pretty vibrant color. Perhaps the contrast between the Mona Lisa and this one hints subtly at the futility and shallowness of pop culture. Or this is the only wall big enough to hold this painting.

I insisted on a ten-minute detour to the hallway of royal artifacts to see the crowns of Napoleon and his empress Eugenie, respectively.

The smaller belonged to the empress and was crafted from gold with more than a few emeralds and something like 2,490 diamonds. They don’t make them like that anymore, do they?

The Venus de Milo. Another triumph of pop-culture (I remember seeing this one in a SpongeBob episode).

And the Nike of Samothrace.

The Greek god of Victory and namesake of Nike. just do it.

There were also some Egyptian ruins, but if you look for those, you end up lost in the bowels of the Louvre and then argue about which way the exit is even though there is a sign right in front of you that has a nice little arrow telling us to turn right.

And that is all you ever need to know about the Louvre.

To cheer us up after that trip to that museum, we went on a Chocolate adventure in Paris. We hit up two highly recommended chocolatiers in Paris in two days. The first was À l’Étoile d’Or.

It’s a tiny room that is filled with all kinds of chocolates, carmamels, and candies. See for yourself.

Denise, the owner, is probably the cutest and most passionate chocolate vendor in the world. Seriously, though. There is a plaid skirt involved. She doesn’t actually make chocolate, but rather distributes the best chocolates from the best vendors in France. Bernachon is involved here, so you know it is good.

We bought a medley of different chocolates from the counter and a bag of some delicious caramels.

Fun Fact: Trips to chocolatiers like this one can cheer up/cure even the most jet lagged of sisters.

The next day, we went to Jacques Genin.

I have embarrassingly few photos from this excursion, but I suppose I can blame it on my being distracted by the delicious chocolate. Never fear. When I go back to Paris in a few weeks, I’ll be sure to get some more photos.

This chocolatier is also like a little café. We got a chocolate plate/tasting.

Aren’t the chocolates just pretty? You almost don’t want to eat them. But then you do and wonder why you spent so much time staring at them. And the hot chocolate.

I might consider killing someone over that hot chocolate. It was unbelievably thick and creamy and rich and chocolaty. Easily the best I’ve had in France. And it even beats out Swiss Miss (with Marshmellows).

And still to come: a castle, Two Cathedrals*, a clock, a Basilica, and Beethoven’s bedroom (there is alliteration all over this list).

*This is an unintentional reference to the season two finale and my favorite episode of The West Wing.