The Dinner Table

Dinner time in France is not an opportunity to “fill up” before moving on to some sports practice, a piano lesson, homework, housework, or prime time TV. That’s not to say every French family puts on a production of a dinner every day of the week. It is to say, however, that dinner (and often lunch) is special here. It is on opportunity to share food and conversation. And what are food and conversation but the two basic necessities of life?

That being said, heed well this warning:

To do something “wrong” at the dinner table is to offend a French person for life. That’s it. Game over. This is serious business.

Here’s a little synopsis of what I’ve gathered so far:

Time – It is true that every family is different, but I’d say that the average French family eats dinner around 8PM. Furthermore, should you ever be invited to a dinner party in France that starts at 7PM (for example), you would be wise show up between 7:15 and 7:30. Should you show up promptly at 7, you will likely be asked to leave (and not come back, ever). Also, don’t expect dinner before 8. It’s not going to happen.

Posture – As far as I can tell there is only one rule when it comes to sitting at the table: Keep your hands visible at all times. If the French can’t see your hands during a meal, they think you are doing something “funny” where they can’t see. I’m still unclear on what kind of funny business they think is going on, but they think it. Other than that, you can pretty much sit however you want. Even elbows on the table is permitted. Alas, this rule is not likely to actually offend anyone, but it is just easier to comply.

Bread – Bread never goes on your plate. Never. Just don’t do it, okay. Bread belongs on the table, next to the plate (wherever you find room is fine). They don’t mind crumbs here, I guess, because they get everywhere when you rip the bread apart. Yeah. You rip/tear your bread. A knife? Who do you think you are? (Note: You may be provided with a mini “bread plate” on which you may place your bread. That’s fine, but don’t put the bread on your main plate. Seriously don’t.)

Beverages – There is often wine served with dinner. We are in France, after all. Beyond that, there is water: tap or sparkling. Be prepared, though. The water glasses in France are about the size of Dixie cups. This can be anything from annoying to frustrating.

Courses – The French are big on courses. Whether or not it is a special meal, they like to eat in shifts. Usually it goes like this: soup, main dish, cheese, dessert. That is just the basic set up, though. You can get fancy and add some or subtract others: aperitifs and entrées (I bet you don’t know where the entrée goes*) and all sorts of fun surprises, but let’s not get carried away here.

Cutting – Don’t “pre-cut” anything. Cut one or two (maximum) bite-size pieces at a time. That is all you need. End of story.

Eating – The French like to talk while they eat. They also like to eat while they eat. How do they reconcile these two opposing activities? Talking with their mouths full is not an option – the French are not barbarians, people. Nope. Instead, they eat really quickly. Every time I’ve eaten with my host family, they are finished with their plate before I’m halfway done. And they still keep up with the conversation. It’s actually quite impressive. I suppose they need a little time to digest the food they just gorged, so there is often a good amount between courses.

Eat it all – Clean your plate. If you don’t finish everything, then you don’t like the food. If you don’t like the food, then you don’t like the person who made it. Therefore, if you don’t finish, then you don’t like the person who made it. That’s the transitive property if I’ve ever seen it. This one is real. I may or may not know from experience.

So there are some rules to get you started. Even if you follow these ones though, you will likely still offend a French person in one way or another. Oh well. That’s life (and there are no Walgreen’s in France).

*An entrée goes before the main dish (plat). I’d say an entrée is more or less equivalent to an appetizer (although there usually is not a sampler option which comes with a little bit of everything… too bad).

Cultural Lesson: Happy April Fool's Day! Would you believe the French celebrate, too? Only here it is called Poisson d'avril (April fish). The name comes from the classic French elementary school joke: tape a picture/drawing of fish on the teacher's back (not unlike a "Kick Me" sign) and... that's it. I think we can all agree that the French are fools for thinking that is funny.